Donnie Darko | Once Over Review

I have had Malaria twice. That's right, twice. The last time I got it was in Africa.

Surprise surprise.

Malaria is no walk in the park. Asides from the constant vomiting and diarrhea, there is immense pain. I describe it as having all the vertebrae in you spine grinding against each other. You body is so soar, every day feels like you just got the shit kicked out of you by Chuck Norris.

You can’t eat, you can’t sleep.

And then there is the medication you have to take, which actually makes malaria itself seem like a warm hug from grandma. The pills work, but you have to sacrifice you sanity for a while. You actually lose your mind. Its like a perpetual ‘bad trip’. The severe paranoia and hallucination, actually do make you forget that you are sick in the first place.

I strongly recommend you never get malaria.

HOWEVER... if you ever find yourself kidnapped by ruthless drug lords in Africa who are about to torture you for information, and they offer you a choice between a swarm of malaria ridden mosquitoes, or having to watch Donnie Darko just once, for the love of God...

pick the bloody mosquitoes!

This ‘movie’ was so bad, I actually wanted to kill myself. It is the most contrived piece of bullshit I have ever sat through. Let me tell you who this movie appeals to: Stupid people, who know nothing about art but really want to be smart, and know a lot about art. The sort of people that would watch this movie and force some garbage, deeper meaning out of it because they are terrified that this ‘brilliant movie’ just went over their head.

Well I have news for you, it didn’t go over your head, it just didn’t go anywhere! Did you know, and you’ll find this out if you watch the directors commentary, that the ‘Bunny’ is supposed to represent God?? Don't worry if that little nugget went over your head because it really wouldn’t matter. Because all this movie was was the vomited digestion of some half-baked, film school drop-outs interpretation of what an ‘artsy’ film should be.

I rate Donnie Darko a whopping 0/10, which I think is very generous. I only recommend you see this movie if you’re a horses ass.